All It Takes
by Nageki Fujishiro
Summary: Hitori was mortified. "No, I will /not/. There's- there /has/ to be some other way… somebirdie else…" "Well, /who/ else, Uzune? You're both suicidal… And he trusts you completely…"
1. The Plan

Shadow screamed, pacing around the dark room.

Hitori was rapidly tossing and turning, throwing his pillow over his ears, trying desperately to pretend this _fiend_ wasn't mimicking Nageki's last "words" exactly.

Shadow wailed and choked on imaginary tears.

"You're going to wake the neighbors…" Hitori said, sitting up, looking the figure dead in its glowing orange eyes.

Shadow took a deep breath, and screamed ten times louder and higher, a choked sob in the middle, just like someone being tortured slowly and painfully.

Just like Nageki.

" _STOP, STOP, STOP, STOP- OH GOD_ _ **STOP IT.**_ " Hitori screeched back when Shadow's cry didn't cease. He hugged his knees and cried to himself.

A faint thumping was heard, and Hitori lifted his head. That couldn't have been the door. It was 4:57 in the morning.

But, despite, three more thumps were heard.

Hitori heaved himself from the bed, perfectly fine with showing the stranger how utterly _ridiculous_ the hour was by answering the door in nothing but his underwear and exhausted face.

When he opened the door, a part of him was surprised to see a cute blond in a droopy sweater in front of him, shaking with presumably nervousness, as it wasn't cold. Hitori was surprised, but his face didn't show it.

"Yes?" he grumbled.

The little blond looked from Hitori's feet all the way up to his dreary face. It sort of shocked him, as he had such a lovely body and face, but both seemed to have taken quite a beating from life. He could sympathize.

"U-um… I heard you screaming… I mean- I-I heard _screaming,_ and I just- well I w-wanted to know if you…"

Hitori looked around at the other apartment doors. Oh god, how many people had he woken up?

"Did I wake you? Am I disrupting everybirdie? God, I am so, so sor-"

"No! Heavens, no… I uh- I sleep during the day a-and… I-I'm up at night instead… And I only live… a few doors down so… it was just me- uh- just me you would've w-woken…"

Hitori gave a faint smile. "I'm Hitori; I don't believe we've met before, besides passing in the halls…" Hitori stuck out his hand. "What's your name?"

The blond seemed even more frightened than before, as if his name was the code to a nuclear bomb. He looked at the taller boy's hand and trembled.

"I-I'm Kazuaki N-Nanaki…" He stuttered, debating whether he should take the seemingly friendly hand or not.

 _Stupid, stupid, stupid! He didn't say his last name, so why did_ I _? Idiot!_

Despite his harsh thoughts, Kazuaki forced a smile.

" _Kazuaki,_ would you like to come in for some tea?"

Kazuaki's face turned bright pink. Why was such a cute guy inviting him in his apartment upon their first proper meeting? This had to be a scam.

"O-oh U-uhm… S-sure… I-if t-that's… if that's ok…W-with you…I guess…"

Hitori smiled a little bigger, and let the jittering blond in.

Upon putting a t-shirt on (and just a t-shirt), Hitori prepared some tea and sat down with Kazuaki at the dining table. He glanced in the corner, and saw Shadow with his arms folded, obviously disliking this new company.

Hitori tried to hide his satisfied smirk at the being's distress.

"So, Kazuaki, do you go to college?"

"O-oh yes…"

…Over that simple conversation, the two became friends.

And later, lovers.

It was pleasant, as Shadow began to appear less (you must remember, Shadow is a being from Hitori's trauma-induced schizophrenia, not a real spirit of any sort), and both boys seemed to grow happier with the other around. Suicides and self-harm grew to be uninteresting, replaced with cuddles and kisses. It was nice.

One night, Shadow did come back. Hitori practically flopped himself upright, having been enjoying a good night's rest, as he had been so nicely experiencing ever since Shadow's disappearance. Shadow was sitting with his legs crossed; observing his shadow-y hand, as though there was something besides endless black to look at.

"You need to get a move on, Hitori"

"What…" Hitori said groggily, hardly registering.

Shadow leaned in real close to Hitori's face. " _On coming to get me,"_ He hissed.

Hitori tried to wake himself up.

"I have an idea… However," Shadow continued vanishing and then reappearing, carelessly lying in the air, as if draped over a bedside.

"W-what do you…"

"You need to die."

Hitori's eyes peeled open.

"But, not really. People need to think you're dead. _Isa_ needs to think you're dead."

Hitori listened.

"You need to become somebirdie else, and then become a teacher at that school."

Hitori rubbed one of his eyes. "W-what will we use for the corpse…"

"Him," Shadow said with a grin.

Hitori was mortified. "No, I will _not_. There's- there _has_ to be some other way… somebirdie else…"

"Well, _who_ else, Uzune? You're _both_ suicidal… And he trusts you completely…"

Shadow was in Hitori's face again. "But, I know you lied about that… You're really _not_ suicidal _…"_

Hitori looked at the boy next to him as he tossed in his sleep.

"Think about the opportunity, Hitori… You can call it a double suicide. Romanticize it. Say you'll _die together_ , and in turn be _together forever…"_

Hitori felt like he was going to vomit.


	2. The Action

"It's not as though you haven't lied to him multiple times already. You're not clean, Hitori. Don't act like you're so innocent."

But he did think about the opportunity. That deeply rooted obsession had been swept under newfound friendship and love, but had not ceased entirely. This was probably why Shadow still had control over the poor button quail.

Hitori swallowed the rising imaginary bile in his throat and made a disgusted face at Shadow, to make it clear this would never have been his choice on his own. The being evaporated, and Hitori tried to go back to sleep. No such luck.

When was this to be laid out? Things had been going perfectly in the relationship, so to suddenly spring _suicide_ on the fretful quail might be a little shocking. Hitori, who had been sitting alone in the apartment on the couch, suddenly had a panic attack about this premeditated demise and rubbed his face and ran his fingers through his hair roughly. This was not going to be easy. He was a _mathematician_ , not Dexter Morgan.

He sat in silence; desperately wondering if sooner or later would be his best bet. Sooner would get it over with. It would be done, and he would rip it off like a band-aid. A really strong, ingrown band-aid. Gross, but accurate. Later he would be stressing about it all the while, worrying and stewing in his guilt and regret. It would be harder to let go.

With an exaggerated (but not really) sigh, Hitori decided sooner would be best. The sooner, the better. Each day Kazuaki became more involved in his life, and Hitori found himself enjoying his company more and more. How long until it was too late? And then, Nageki would be _there_ forever. _And then…_

…The sooner, the better.

Hitori had to keep repeating this to himself in his head, lest he dropped it altogether and ruined the plan. How soon was sooner? Shit, what if he was too soon? Was there such thing, even, for something as morbid and cruel as this?

What had Kazuaki done to him? Hitori wailed, and then clasped his jaw shut. It's not as though he was in a solitary house; other birds could hear him. But honestly, what _had_ Kazuaki done besides brought light in Hitori's dark self? He didn't deserve this. Not at all.

But Hitori was not a perfect bird. He deemed his fault of sending Nageki to that repulsive school more regretful and guilt-stricken-ing than anything else on this planet. There could be no comparison. Hitori would always love what memories of Nageki remained more than Kazuaki. The quails could get married and be married for 10 years, and Hitori would not let go. He was never very good at letting go.

A new question had arisen, however. What medicine could he buy so much of it wouldn't look suspicious, but enough to kill a bird of Kazuaki's size?

Shadow stuck his tongue out. He was peering over the back of the couch, right by the dark-haired quail, festering in his thoughts.

"You didn't do the research? Fool. It'll be a lot. In fact, overdose only has a 23% chance of killing you." He hissed in the bird's ear.

Hitori gulped, and tried to settle himself.

"Well then, what other method do you suppose I do? Any other way will be hard to fake, you know…"

Shadow probably rolled his eyes. "Yeah well, if he dies first with a gun…"

"No, that will just destroy the whole 'die together' thing you thought was _so perfect_." Hitori sneered.

"You're mad, I know. But you shouldn't be. You have to choose, Hitori. Me or that pathetic little prat?"

"He's not a-"

But Hitori recalled having used similar words to describe the quail not far into their friendship. He had taken it back, later on (not that it had ever been said to Kazuaki's face), but he could see what Shadow had done. Hitori frowned.

"What drug?"

Shadow huffed. "Oh bother, Uzune, ibuprofen or some shit. No birdie'll question _painkiller pills_. Buy like two. There's 100 a bottle, isn't there?"

Hitori didn't respond. He was staring right ahead, trying to convince himself what he was about to do.

"I wish this could last forever…" Kazuaki said; a gentle smile on his face. He wasn't looking at Hitori, but at the floor.

"Let's make it go on forever," Hitori encouraged. It sounded a little clumsy, he thought. A little too quick. A little too planned.

Kazuaki looked up, eyes wider than before, and smile fading fast with curiosity. Hitori gulped painfully.

"Come on, let's die together."

And Hitori was broken.

From that moment on, Hitori Uzune became an empty shell, possessed by something unpleasant and unfamiliar. It didn't think. It didn't feel. It simply did. It had no remorse for the words that had spilt out, because Hitori had dissociated away, and stayed away. The man who inhabited that empty shell was new, and he was not a force to be reckoned with. He no longer feared what lie ahead. He no longer feared to kill the beloved quail in front of him.

The words that this stranger had spoken were hoarse and mastered. They were sly, and they played off of a smile that may have looked crooked to anybirdie else in the moment, save the ever-trusting Kazuaki.

"It won't be scary if we're together," the carcass continued.

Shadow, somewhere, must have been smiling. Everything was going according to plan. If what was Hitori didn't want to watch, then so be it. He would grow accustom. He would have to.

Kazuaki's smile was gone. He almost looked scared. He was deathly shocked, and was trying to figure out if what had escaped Hitori's mouth was a hallucination or not.

"Are… are you serious…?" He gulped.

"Of course I am," came the eerily confident voice again, who was in no way Hitori. "I've never lied to you, have I?"

That was hypocritical, but it was a question, thought Shadow. He didn't lie with a statement asking if he'd lied. It would only truly be a lie if he hadn't added the "had I", or if Kazuaki replied with a "no".

Of course he did. Kazuaki had no reason to believe Hitori had lied to Kazuaki about anything. And Kazuaki agreed. He would not turn down the boy he loved; he would not let him die alone. Though, deep in his mind, he had mended. He lost the desire to die, in a way.

So, the two set a date to the heinous deed Kazuaki saw as innocent and loving.


End file.
